One Week Later...

And here are my thoughts:

1.       Canada is CLEAN.  Like no random trash on the ground anywhere clean.  You know when you get to a stop light and then you look out and it is covered in random trash and cigarette butts?  Yeah, not here.  NOTHING.  NOTHING is down there.  I have missed green lights because I am staring out at the ground at the cleanliness.  Which leads me to my second point…

2.       Canadians do not honk, flick you off, scream and yell, etc when you make bonehead driving mistakes.  I have literally missed lights and not one honk.  Insane.   And let’s be honest; if you have been in a car with me I make plenty of those moves.  Add that to living a new place and having no idea where you are going this could be a recipe for full on road rage in Atlanta.  I would have been shot by now for sure.

3.       East, West, North, South…nope.  Don’t get it.  Just tell me if I am turning left or right.  I can’t wrap my head around directions like that.  Don’t tell me to go west on so and so.  I am libel to just call a cab.  And get this:  In Calgary the city is laid out in quadrants, SE, SW, NE, and NW.  We live in the NW quadrant.  Centre (yep that’s right) Street runs through the center of downtown and streets around here are numbered and repeat.  So if you are looking for 443 9^th Street you better know the quadrant because there are likely 4 different places with that address.  Fun times!

4.       More driving fun.  You know when you are at an intersection and the arrow light turns a solid green and you happily go on your way?  Yeah, not here.  A BLINKING arrow means you have the right of way.  A solid one means watch out because someone in a giant pickup truck might be flying through and going to crush you.  Keep in mind that this runs concurrent with the regular green light.  How completely pointless is that?  Point, USA!

5.       Calgary is one of the greenest cities in the WORLD.  Sounds great huh?  NO.  You are wrong.  (Geoff, I can hear you cursing me…)  Allow me to explain…first of all you all know what a recycler I am.  This is punishment for not taking recycling seriously before.  EVERYWHERE recycles.  And they recycle everything.  Do you know how much pressure that is??  I am TERRIFIED to throw anything out lest I be scorned and ridiculed.  I am learning…slowly but surely.  Pretty soon I am going to be Mother Earth.  Secondly, would anyone like to take a stab at how much a gallon of paint costs here?  Anyone?  What’s that?  $25?  $20?  $35?  NOPE, try $45.  And then add another $.75 ecological fee on that.  Yes.  Paint is about $50 bucks when it is all said and done.  Oh did you want a plastic bag to carry your purchases in?  How many do you need because those bad boys are going to cost you $.05 each?  Round-Up to kill the weeds in your yard?  Yeah, don’t count on it.  You can use Eco-Sense weed killer.  I am pretty sure it’s just some weird oil.  Cutter Backyard spray to kill the 64897646876455 mosquitoes that are rampant here?  Light your citronella candle and shut your mouth. 

6.       They make bloody mary’s with Clamato.  Do I need to even elaborate?  Can someone please send me some Zing Zang?  Like ASAP.

7.       Mexican restaurants?  No cheese dip.  Had I known this we would still be living in Atlanta.

8.       Gas is sold in litres (again!) and the price looks like this $114.9.  That takes a few to get used to.

9.       I basically was having a panic attack when I realized in order get some deli meat from the counter at the grocery store that I would need to know how many grams of meat I want.  AHH!  Never mind!  Kraft Dinner it is!  (That’s what they call mac and cheese…America, I miss you.)  Grams of meat?  Someone figure that out and get back to me.

10.   Car washes have garage doors on both ends.  Sound harmless yes?  Well, we got stuck in one.  Like, STUCK.  Go in, wash car, try and exit.  Nothing.  We backed up and went forward.  Nada.  This went on for 10 minutes until we had to escape the side door to go tell someone to let us out.  I still don’t know if it was broken or we didn’t know what we were doing.  I’m going with the latter. 

11.   Canadians are rule followers.  Everyone follows the rules; no one puts a toe out of line.  What do I mean?  They do NOT jaywalk.  Like at all.  If the street is empty and no one is coming and that red hand is up saying; ‘Do Not Cross’, they don’t.  It’s crazy.  No one goes unless they get the ok.  On Friday we went to the Calgary Stampede parade (more on that next).  Half a million people attended.  500,000.  2,500 participants, 800 horses, 18 marching bands, etc.  Guess how many arrests there were?  Seriously…guess.  Zero.  None.  Nada.  Guess how many incidents there were?  NONE.  I was flabbergasted.  Everyone came in an orderly fashion, watched the parade, and was polite.  You can’t even have a cookout with 15 people without an incident and if it’s a good night, an arrest also.

12.   Every time I tell someone I just moved here they tell me ‘Welcome!’  So nice right?  Yes.  But about 75% of the time it is followed with ‘Congratulations!’  Umm…do they know something I don’t?  Congratulations!  You are going to freeze your ass off!  Congrats!  Pace Picante Salsa (don’t even hate…you know you like it too) is $6!  Congratulations! If you want to paint your house you will need to get a second mortgage!  Congratulations!  We don’t use disposals! (Can you BELIEVE that?  This is not some second rate country.  No disposals.  It’s preposterous) 

13.   Everyone takes their shoes off when they go in someone’s house.  I know some of you do this.  That’s great.  I think you are weird that’s nice and very clean.  I know all the reasons why apparently it’s good and blah blah.  I don’t care.  My shoes are part of my outfit.  I didn’t wear them to cover my feet to get from place to place.  I wore them because they are cute and if they are heels (which they most certainly are 98% of the time) they MAKE my outfit.  I am not excited about coming in your house and wandering around barefoot with my jeans dragging around like a 7 year old.  If you have a party around the holidays and I am wearing tights with my cute dress and heels I am not going to be thrilled to be in a cocktail dress and tights with no shoes.  Britton (of course) is extremely bothered by this (hello…this is a person who after a long night of drinking when I can barely lift my head is up and dressed fully the next day.  Belt matching shoes and all).  He said, “Rebecca, how can I sit and have an intelligent conversation with another man who I may have never met before and look down and see my socks…one of which says New Balance.”

14.   I still don’t know how far a kilometer or meter is.

15.   I still have a hard time with 24 hour time.  It’s too much math figuring out what time 17:35 is. 

16.   EVERYTHING is in French and English.  No biggie right?  It’s really not but it’s really hard to get used to.  Labels on anything are very very cluttered and it takes a minute to read through and figure out what something is.  Signs in parking decks get really confusing.  It’s a lot of extra words to filter through.  No, I am not an idiot.  But you try getting through something like this on one glance;

17.   I can’t find Miller Lite here.  And don’t give me your; “Canada has great beer!  Drink Molson or Labatt!”  It’s not that great and it is EXPENSIVE.  Much like everything here.  18 beers with run you about $30-35.  We have been drinking a lot of Pilsner and Kokanee.  Both pretty good but I still miss my Miller Lite.  Side note:  They LOVE Bud Light Lime up here.  Its nuts.

18.   As an addendum to my post on our house.  The bus that comes through our neighborhood and right by our former pot growing house is number 420…I cannot make this stuff up.

19.   Hell has frozen over.  I know not only own a pair of cowboy boots but a…COWBOY HAT.  And I look damn good in it too.

20.   Tomorrow I am going to a rodeo and chuck wagon races.  I will also see, barrel racing, calf roping, and steer wrestling.  Try and pick your jaw up off of the floor.

More on the Calgary Stampede and pictures later this week.  If any of you have any specific questions you would like me to answer please shoot me an email and let me know!